


Are You Here?

by Stellar_Anarchist



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Big time jumps, Dipper is lonely, Fluff at the beginning, M/M, smut at the end
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 03:35:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6499234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stellar_Anarchist/pseuds/Stellar_Anarchist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Over the span of four summers, Dipper Pines sets out to find the one being that he really loves. He searches and searches and feels that all hope is lost. But of course, there is always hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1st Summer: House of Memories

**Author's Note:**

> The song Dipper is singing to himself is "House of Memories" by Panic! at the Disco. Really enjoy writing this. Super fluff for the beginning of the work, but it gets smutty at the end. Enjoy. Give 'em hell.

            A year after those horrors had happened, Dipper was still having PTSD. He was sure he would never get over it. _Him_. He didn’t know how he came back. He was absolutely terrified. But it was his family. It was always his family. _Him._ Mabel. Grunkle Stan. _Him_. Great-uncle Ford. Soos. _Him_. Wendy. He had come back for them.

            But he was lying to himself. And he needed to stop. He was tired of all these lies. Dipper didn’t really come back for them. Maybe a little bit. He had to give them some credit. But he had come back for _him_. Bill.

            He had a sliver of hope that Bill was out there somewhere in the woods. Waiting.

            Waiting for him.

            Dipper had no idea how to find Bill. He had tried remembering the incantations and rituals from the journals. They were destroyed, and that made Dipper feel hopeless. He would never find Bill. He was destroyed. Gone.

            But Dipper would not let himself believe that. No. Bill was out there. You can’t just destroy a superior being like him. It was impossible. Bill had to be somewhere. And Dipper was determined to find him. No matter what.

            Ford was in the basement working. He was still analyzing the data he collected in the Arctic circle over him and Stan’s eight-month boating expedition. The Mystery Shack was closed today, so Wendy wasn’t there. Soos and Melody were out on a date somewhere fancy. Mabel had been pressuring the man to propose, so that was probably what was going on. Abuelita was watching Spanish soap operas. She was addicted to them. Mabel and Grunkle Stan were out at the store buying, or maybe stealing, some glitter glue for Mabel’s newest ‘art project’. They had to stock up on groceries, too. Ford had been cooking a lot lately, or attempting to at least. He ended up destroying almost all the food he tried to cook, so that depleted the shack of food. They wouldn’t be back for a while, so Dipper decided to take a walk.

            Into the woods.

            He walked outside, the summer breeze flipping his hair back, exposing his birthmark. It made him sigh. It felt good. Almost freeing.

            He looked around making sure no one was watching or following him. No one was. And that made him even more depressed. Did anyone even care about him? Someone had to. _Him_.

            _Where are you, Bill_ , he thought.

            _Are you here?_

            He continued walking into the woods, deeper and deeper. He passed the strange creatures that danced in his head throughout that school year. The gnomes. The unicorns. The fairies. And then the ordinary. Butterflies. Deer. But then again, was anything ordinary in this town anymore?

            The sounds of the forest buzzed around him as he trudged along the soil. The sun was setting now. Darkness enveloped the forest, casting shadows everywhere. They moved. Danced with each other. Dipper began singing a song to himself. He usually never did this, but he had a strange feeling in his stomach. Something was there.

            “Baby we built this house…”

            He started hearing voices.

            **_Closer._**

            He looked around, eyes darting, but pressed on. He was not afraid. He trusted this place. This place was his home.

            “On memories.”

            The world around him was black. The stars shone bright, but the trees blocked out their light mostly. How long had he been walking? Too long. How long had he been running? So long. What was he even running from? He didn’t know.

            Or perhaps he was running towards something.

            “Take my picture now. Shake it till you see it.” His voice was soft.

            Rays of moonlight streaked through the forest, seemingly in a patter, as if the trees were bent and shaped on purpose in a way that made the moonlight shine just right. They criss-crossed through the trees, creating a path for the young man, like the wisps did or the heroes in some of the fairy tales Mabel read to them when they were little.

            “And when your fantasies……... Become your legacy…”

            Dipper walked the path. He knew he was walking towards something. His fate perhaps. Something was out there. _God_ , he thought. _Please let him be here_.

            **_Closer._**

            The voice was just a whisper. Only loud enough for him to hear. Dipper’s head ran through images of last summer, picking out ones that captured Bill. When they first met, in Stan’s mind. Seeing Bill possess his body. It was almost… arousing. And that one time when Bill came to Dipper in his dreams.

            **_Closer._**

            Bill had hair. A blinding gold color. He had long arms with five fingers sticking out at the end and long lanky legs. He was wearing clothes. A yellow sweater. A black bowtie. And black jeans. Bill was him. And that wasn’t even the strangest part about that dream. Bill didn’t say one word to Dipper. They just stood facing each other, watching. As if Bill only came to look at the boy.

            “Promise me a place…”

            The trees gave way to an open place. It was a small circle, only about thirteen feet across. It was just grass. It was a clear, clean green. All of the blades were even. Dipper was not even confused. The things he had seen in his life… everything just made sense by default. He walked into the middle of the clearing.

            “In your house of memories.”

            A sudden rush took over the young man’s body. Lightning shot through his body. He clutched his chest, right over his heart, the place that hurt the most. He collapsed to the ground, writhing in the pain. He had no idea what was going on. The pain… it surged through his body, touching every nerve. And then it stopped.

            He laid face up, his eyes on the slight shine of stars. His body was just… buzzing. Everything became fuzzy. His eyes closed. And the last thing he felt before he became unconscious was something brushing the hair off of his eyes.


	2. 1st Summer: Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper wakes up confused, his feelings swirling around in his mind. Will he find what he is looking for ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't do summaries. Sorry for taking so long to update. Finals are coming up and studying and ugh...life. This isn't much, but I promise the chapters will get longer and more drama-y. But have fun guys. Stay determined. Give 'em hell.

****

            Dipper woke up warm. He didn’t expect the familiar feeling of his afghan blanket. Soft and comforting. His eyes opened slowly, trying to resist the crust that had formed between his eyelids. He pulled his blanket off and saw that he was still fully clothed in the outfit he was wearing yesterday. His clothes were extremely dirty. Pine needles decorated his socks and shorts. Sweat stains were painted on his shirt. His shoes were caked with mud and grass. He would have to get Mabel to wash his sheets for him. She was particularly good at getting stains out, considering all the random fluids she spilled on herself.

            He smelled the forest on him. _What was I doing in the woods?_ It wasn’t a particularly bad smell mixed with his teenage boy musk. It was almost soothing. As if this smell held secrets that would solve all the problems of life.

            And then the events of yesterday evening came back to him. He remembered walking. Just walking. Feeling the trees swipe at his face and arms, reaching out for him. Just trudging along that oh, so beaten path. And then searching.

            Searching for something. That mixture of God knows what that would fill the hole in his soul. He recollected the feeling of being pulled, _drawn_ , by some unseen entity. A magnetic force that had unlimited power over him, having the ability to persuade him to do whatever it wanted to.

            Dipper remembered singing. _Since when did I sing?_ He sang when he was forced out of his body and had to possess a sock. He sang while he was floating around, searching for help, with the knowledge of Bill prancing around in his body, seeing whatever he wanted to, in the front of his mind. That’s when he sang.

            He finally, after searching through his mind desperately, recalled finding something. A semi-large area in the wood. He could almost feel the wind blowing his curly brown hair into his face. And then collapsing in the center of that clearing. He didn’t recall anything after that. Something was swimming in murky waters, rushing through his mind. A feeling. Physical. A touch maybe. Something. It just wouldn’t come.

            “Dipper! Are you ready to go?” Mabel’s yelling jerked him away from his thoughts.

            “Shit.” Dipper cursed to himself. “What the hell time is it?” He looked at the clock on the desk between the two beds. It read 11:30.

            “Oh fuck.” They had bus tickets for 12:00 to go back to Piedmont. He got up frantically, not bothering to make his bed or change his clothes. He went to the closet, searching for his clothes and shoes, only to find a suitcase already in there. A note was on it.

            **_Dear Dipstick,_**

**_I packed your shit for you._ **

**_You owe me one, bro-bro._ **

**_Xoxo,_ **

**_Mabes_ **

The end of it was punctuated with pink glitter. _God,_ Dipper thought. _I am one lucky brother._ He smirked to himself and grabbed the suitcase and ran downstairs.

            “Goodness Dipper. You’re all dirty and smelly.” Ford looked at his nephew curiously trying to figure out what the young man was thinking. Something dark shadowed the boy’s face and Ford couldn’t quite identify the cause of it. Further analysis would be appropriate.

            “Come on, Sixer. He looks like a man.” Stan walked over and put a firm hand on Dipper’s shoulder. He leaned down and said quietly, “You do smell pretty awful, kiddo.”

            “Guys! We’re gonna be late!” Mabel was jumping up and down. She didn’t want to leave Gravity Falls, but she anxious to see if their parents had killed her hamster, Princess Sparkleface.

            Dipper was silent the entire ride to the bus station. He had already said his goodbyes to Melody, Soos, and Wendy. Only their uncles were accompanying the twins to the station.

            Ford kept glancing at the side mirror, trying to catch glimpses of Dipper’s face. Just trying to find out what was upsetting the boy. He was different. He had changed over the year. Ford figured it was just because of his teenage years and school, but further observance proved his first hypothesis wrong. Whenever Ford and Dipper were working together, and Bill was mentioned, Dipper immediately started messing around nervously. He stuttered a lot. His fingers started twitching. And whenever Ford mentioned the possibility of Bill still existing somewhere, somehow, Dipper stopped what he was doing at once and started asking questions if it was really possible.

            As intelligent as Ford was, he couldn’t decipher the boy’s mind. Science was his forte.  People troubled him, as they did most scientists. He hoped Mabel would cure his brother. Helping people was where her power prospered.

            They arrived at the station just as the bus was pulling up. The two sets of twins exchanged hugs and goodbyes and I love you’s.  Dipper and Mabel sat at the back of the bus as usual. Dipper leaned his head against the window as Mabel put on her headphones. He looked at the forest, slowly passing by, as the bus was just getting going. He thought he saw something in the woods. Something poking out above the bushes. Moving. Slowly.           

            A black top hat.

            But Dipper dismissed the image. It was just a trick of the eyes… right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have a couple more summers to get through guys. You have to be patient. Just like Dipper.


	3. 2nd Summer: Coming Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper and Ford have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being on hiatus for almost three months. Did not know what to do with this but now I have BIG plans. Enjoy.

****

            Dust couldn’t cover up what the young man was feeling. Nothing could. Feelings... who would want them? Dipper sat alone in his bed. Even when he was with his family, out breaking the law with Mabel and Wendy, or conversing with Ford, he was alone.

            What was wrong with him?

            _Knock, knock._ The door creaked open slowly. Dipper quickly shot under his covers and groaned slightly. They couldn’t know what was really bothering him.

            “Dipper?” Mabel hung her head through the door. No response. “Dipper, I brought you some soup.” The door opened the rest of the way and she walked over to his bed. She set the soup on Dipper’s side table, trying not to spill it on the pile of papers with random doodles on it.

            “Try and sit up, bro. I know your stomach is messed up, but please just try.” Dipper groaned, but obliged. He fake coughed. A horrendous stomach bug was what he had been faking for a week, so he didn’t have to reveal that his feelings were eating away at him.

            “How are you feeling?” She rubbed his back gently.

            “Still awful. Like Satan punched me in the stomach.” Mabel giggled at that. Jokes about Satan were always hilarious.

            “Well, here.” She handed him the soup and fed him one spoonful. “Eat all of this and I promise it will make you feel better. I added a little somethin’ somethin’ to it.” She winked and headed for the door. Just as she was about to disappear behind it, she poked her head back in. “Oh and Grunkle Ford said that as soon as you’re done with that to meet him in his secret room.” She closed the door leaving Dipper with a lump in his throat.

            What in the hell did Ford want with him?

            Dipper quickly ate his soup, trying to figure out what Mabel put in it, but it was impossible. It could be anything with that girl. He put on his blue slippers and walked to Ford’s hidden room. The floor creaked beneath his weight. He tried to hunch over and enhance the illusion of his illness. Before he could even knock on the door, he heard a muffled “Come in, Dipper.”

            Dipper treaded slowly into Ford’s room, groaning as he shut the door. He sat down in one of chairs. Comfortable, but outdated.

            “Why did you need me great-uncle Ford? I didn’t really feel-”

            “Stop right there, Dipper. I’m not an idiot. You may be able to fool them, but I am not them.” He chuckled slightly. _Ford,_ Dipper thought, _you arrogant son of a gun_.

            “But Ford, I really am-”

            “I said stop. I know you’re not sick.” He paused and a look of ponder came upon his face. “At least not in the physical sense.”

            Dipper sighed and gave in to the genius. Dipper was smart, but he could never outsmart Ford. “Alright, you caught me. But you have to promise not tell the rest of the family.” Dipper stood up and walked towards Ford, waving his hands, emphasizing his seriousness.

            “Okay. But let’s make a deal.” Those words made Dipper’s stomach do a flip. “I won’t tell them _if_ you tell me what is really wrong with you.”

            “Ford… that isn’t really fair.” The young man put his head down, not wanting to tell the truth.

            “I’m not trying to be fair, Dipper. I’m trying to help you. Please be honest with me.”

            “Alright great-uncle Ford. I trust you. It’s kind of… embarrassing.”

            “Don’t worry. The things I’ve seen and done… you don’t want to know. I’ve done completely humiliating things, Dipper. Things like-”

            “Okay. That’s enough.” Dipper gestured for Ford to stop. He had no idea what his uncle was about to say, and he really did not want to find out.

            “Sorry. Go ahead.”

            “I think I’m… well… ya see… I don’t really understand… I’ve got these feelings…”

            “Oh ho.” He leaned back and raised his eyebrows. “So you’ve got a crush.”

            “Well… I’ve had one of those before. A really intense one at that. With Wendy. This isn’t that. It’s so much more… real. I knew I didn’t really have a chance with Wendy. But this seems vivid. It’s deep. Chiseling away at my very being. It’s not obsession. I’ve felt that, too. Trying to find out who the author was. These feelings are extraordinary, though. But… I don’t know what to do with them.” He exhaled after that monologue. He’d only every been this open with Mabel and even saying that was a stretch.

            “Well. I’m not the best with this kind of stuff, but I’ll try. Tell me who this young woman is, though.”

            Dipper’s heart was thumping sporadically. Was he finally going to reveal what he was?

            “See… that’s the thing. It’s not exactly a woman…”

            “Oh… wow… I didn’t know that you were-”

             “Oh man.” Dipper groaned. He should’ve known better. It was wrong. He was wrong. It was gross. “I knew that this was wrong.”

            “Oh goodness no, Dipper. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Trust me. When you travel the universe, you kind of lack sexuality because most beings lack a gender. Take it from me. There’s nothing wrong with it. I’m actually happy. Diversity is a wonderful thing.” Ford’s face was covered with a genuine smile as he reached out and put a comforting hand on Dipper’s shoulder.

            “Really? That’s awesome. But yeah, it’s a guy.” Dipper was so happy that Ford understood. Judgement was what he feared. Ford’s reaction was gratifying. Sure it was only part of the truth. The other part could absolutely not be revealed. What would they think if they knew?

            “Well, I’m happy for you Dipper. But I’m still not sure on what to tell you about being love-struck. Tell me about this male. Perhaps I can provide some advice if I knew a bit more about him.” He leaned forward in his chair, eager to hear what the boy would say.

            “Well, he’s tall. Slender. Blonde. Really blonde. Like a seriously yellow blonde. A little older than me. But it’s not that big of a difference. He has the most amazing blue eyes. They’re icy. Sharp. Like if I stared into them for too long, they would cut my soul. He likes to wear hats. He has a dark side.”

            “Ooo, a dark side. All the best ones do.” Ford smirked.

            “He’s not exactly the nicest person in the universe, but he’s honest and it’s admirable. He finds stupidity funny. I like that. But what I find most attractive is his desire to do big things. Conquer. Rule. Success.” His eyes went up to the ceiling, subconsciously wishing to see him there, floating, smiling at him.

            “Well he sounds pretty… interesting. Ambition is a rare, but great thing to find in a partner. I knew a woman like that. I knew her back in her early days when she hadn’t really done much with her life. Her name was Unity. She was amazing. Had a wonderful gift, though it could be used for evil. But she had pure ideas for it. She could have taken over entire planets and enslaved them, but no. She had the ambition to do good things. Help people. Unity wanted to do big things and I loved it. It was too bad I couldn’t stay with her.” He smiled down at the ground, recalling the joys of his past. This is the first time Ford had really talked about his life out in the multiverse. Dipper sat in awe listening to his uncle talk. Of course he found the man interesting. But this was different. This was… _what do they call it_ … a heart to heart.

            “Well why couldn’t you stay with her?”

            “Well… I wanted to explore. There was a whole universe in front of me. I couldn’t really stay in one place. And even if I wanted to, some drunk genius took her away. Told her stop messing around with ‘this loser’.” Ford pointed to himself. “It was okay though. I’m sorry. I kind of turned this conversation about you into one about me. How did you meet this guy?”

            “I actually met him here. In Gravity Falls. He had to leave, though. Something happened.” Dipper was trying to not give away too much. He knew Ford was smart enough to decipher what was going on even if he had the minimum amount of information.

            “Oh really? I think that’s great Dipper. But if I’m being honest with you, don’t give up if you’re feelings are as intense and pure as you say they are. I gave up. And I regret it. Regret is a terrible thing. Don’t give up, Dipper. I don’t exactly know the situation. But as much as I’ve seen and all the tragedies I’ve experienced, I learned one thing. You _never_ give up. Giving up will be your greatest mistake and you can never undo it.” Something had been lit inside of Ford and Dipper was glad. He really needed this. And he was glad that he was getting this advice from Ford. He was insightful and trustworthy.

            “Thanks great-uncle Ford. I needed this.” He got up and began to walk to the door. “Don’t tell them about this, though. Just say you made up some concoction that cured me.” He put out a hand on the doorknob and turned it.

            “Alright, Dipper. Go get some rest.” He turned back to his desk, but then remembered one piece of missing information. “Dipper wait.” He was almost out of the door completely, but he turned back. “What’s this young man’s name.”

            _Oh man_ , Dipper thought. _What do I do? What do I do?_ He thought fast and lied once more. He could hardly lie to his uncle, but this would have to do. He turned his back to Ford, one hand on the doorframe.

            “William. His name’s William.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it. Been binge watching Rick and Morty so I just had to put a little something in there. The rest of the chapters will be up in a timely manner (hopefully). Good day and give 'em hell.


End file.
